Cheney Jokes / Recent Jokes
Doctors administered an electrical shock to Vice President Dick Cheney's heart and restored it to a normal rhythm during a 2 1/2 hour hospital visit Monday.
It required 1/2 hour to normalize his heartbeat. The other two hours were spent trying to locate his heart.
A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WWIII. And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 60 million Iranians this time and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
Bush turns to Cheney, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 60 million Iranians!"
On NBC's "Meet the Press," Dick Cheney said, "If we had to do it over again, we'd do exactly the same thing."
"Same here!" said Osama bin Laden.
George Bush and Dick Cheney are watching the 6 o'clock news on TV one evening. Cheney bets Bush $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
"I'll take that bet," Bush replied. A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. Cheney, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to Bush and tells him that he does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," Bush replied, "I owe you $50 dollars."
Cheney, feeling even more guilty, replied, "No, you don't understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."
"That's okay," said Bush, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me." Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you." Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver." Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney. The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid!""No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner... You could have called instead?"
"Scooter Libby, who got indicted, has set up a legal defense fund to help pay his legal bills. It's pretty good, for a $1,000 donation you get a hand-written thank you note and the name of a CIA agent." --Jay Leno
"Libby was indicted on two counts of obstruction of justice, three counts of perjury, and one count of not being as smart as Karl Rove." --Jon Stewart
"What did Scooter Libby say when he bumped into President Bush at the White House?. .. Pardon me." --Jay Leno
"Outside the courthouse, Libby's lawyer said all he wants to do is clear his client's good name. I don't know, Scooter? Is that a good name?" --Jay Leno
"Vice President Dick Cheney's former assistant, Scooter Libby, pleaded not guilty to the Yeah, the weird thing is since his name is Scooter, he's being tried in juvenile court." --Conan O'Brien
"Dick Cheney's right-hand man Scooter Libby has been indicted. By more...
Bush and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House. Cheney orders the "Heart-Healthy" salad. Bush leans over to the waitress and says, "Honey, could I have a quickie?"
She's horrified! She says, "Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and I'm sorry I voted for you," and she marches off.
Cheney leans over and says, "George, I think it's pronounced' QUICHE'."