Chemical Jokes / Recent Jokes
An electrical, a chemical and a Microsoft engineer were all in a car when it suddenly stopped running. They pulled off to the side of the road and tried to figure out what the problem was.
The electrical engineer suggested stripping down the electronics to try to find where a fault may have occurred.
Not knowing very much about cars, the chemical engineer suggested that perhaps the fuel was getting blocked somewhere.
Not knowing very much about anything, the Microsoft engineer said he thought he knew the solution. "Let's close all the windows, get out, get back in, open all the windows and see if it works."
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure. That's easy," said one man."What is it?""H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.""What, what?" reasked the instructor."H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills
uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused
by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide
do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe
tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating
and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body
electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO
withdrawal means certain death.
is also known as hydroxl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
may cause severe burns.
contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of
has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer more...
Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from 25-10-20 to 60-55-60 have
Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic singlet
state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing, and freezes at
a moments notice totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter
if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common
ore. Non-magnetic, but attracted by coins and sport cars. In its natural shape
the specimen varies considerably, but it is often changed artificially so well
that the change is indiscernable except to the experienced eye.
Has a great affinity for AU, AG, and C, especially in crystalline form. May give
violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb more...
Accepted as 53.659 kg but known to vary from 40 to 200 kg.
Copious quantities in urban areas.
Surfaces usually covered in painted film.
Boils at nothing, known to freeze without known reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common 'ore'.
Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously, without prior warning for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids but activity increases greatly if saturated in
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be great aid to more...
Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some
isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day
when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo,
often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.
Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
melts if treated like a God.
Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with
Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to more...