Chemical Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Element: Woman
    Symbol: wo
    Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 93 to 280
    Discoverer: Adam
    Occurrence: Copius quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in suburban and rural areas. Known to occuur in small, highly concentrated deposits in Urban areas (see Shopping Mall).

    Physical properties:
    1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
    2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
    3. Melts if given special treatment.
    4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches, handle with care.
    5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

    Chemical properties:
    1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum, and and many of the precious stones.
    2. May explode spontaneously if left alone.
    3. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
    4. Insoluble in liquids, but displays a certain more...

    3 men sell their bodies to science, for an exsperiment on a new military weapon to scare enemy soldiers by turning them into the enemies idea of the most scary, repulsive idea possible temporarily. The first man has his wife looking at him, drinks the chemical, and turns into a half-fish half-octopus with fur. The second guy has his therapist looking at him, and turns into a giant bald hamster with a snake head. The third guy has his girlfriend looking at him, he drinks the chemical. Nothing happens.

    A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
    1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
    2. it is a major component in acid rain
    3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
    4. accidental inhalation can kill you
    5. it contributes to erosion
    6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
    7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
    He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible more...

    A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
    And for plenty of good reasons, since:
    1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting 2. it is a major component in acid rain 3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state 4. accidental inhalation can kill you 5. it contributes to erosion 6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes 7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
    He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
    Forty-three (43) said yes, Six (6) were undecided, and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.
    The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are more...

    An electrical, a chemical and a Microsoft engineer were all in a car when it suddenly stopped running. They pulled off to the side of the road and tried to figure out what the problem was.
    The electrical engineer suggested stripping down the electronics to try to find where a fault may have occurred.
    Not knowing very much about cars, the chemical engineer suggested that perhaps the fuel was getting blocked somewhere.
    Not knowing very much about anything, the Microsoft engineer said he thought he knew the solution. "Let's close all the windows, get out, get back in, open all the windows and see if it works."

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