Cheese Jokes / Recent Jokes
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
What do prisoners use to call each other?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
What is a polygon?
A dead parrot.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What's the difference between boogers and spinach?
You can't get kids to eat spinach.
What did the horse say when he more...
This guy called up his doctor late one night and said, "Doc, I've got a terrible problem. A mouse ran up my wife's cunt."
"I'll be right over," the doctor said, "In the meantime, get a piece of cheese and hold it next to her snatch - maybe the mouse will come out on its own."
A few minutes later, the doctor arrived, only to see the man holding a fish up to his wifes hole. He said, "I told you to hold a piece of cheese to get the mouse out."
The guy said, "I know, but I've got to get the cat out first."
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent, sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular, black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever"
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said, "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," more...
My brother Sean stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped her when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.
"What's the difference?" Sean asked.
"Hello?" replied the girl, sighing and rolling her eyes. "The COLOR is different!"
Mary Poppins was travelling home but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he replied courteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" enquired Mary. "Sorry, no", came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it.
"Hmm, I would like hmmm cauliflower cheese please", said Mary. "Certainly madam", he replied. "And can I have breakfast in bed?"asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of eggs please...poached", Mary mused.
After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on more...
What is a mouse's favorite record?
'Please cheese me'!
The taco Bell chihuahua dog, a doberman, and a bulldog all walk into a bar. A female collie then walks in. The collie says, ''Whoever can say liver and cheese the most creativly, can have me. So the bulldog goes ''I love liver and cheese'' The collie says ''Not good enough'' The doberman says ''I hate liver and cheese'' The collie goes, ''Not creative enough'' Then the chihuahua dog says, ''Liver alone, cheese mine.''