"Least Popular Philosophical Questions" joke

Hot 3 years ago

30> Given an infinite number of geeks in an infinite number of "Star Trek" conventions, would there be at least one with a life?

29> Why is Pauly Shore so successful, while a deserving and talented actor like Tom Arnold is still struggling?

28> Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask why Bell charges so much for toll calls.

27> Can God make Marlon Brando so big that even He can't move him?

26> If you could go back in time, would you give Hitler a wedgie?

25> The sky's just BLUE, dammit! Get over it!

24> If you sell a video explaining how you didn't kill your ex-wife and her male friend and no one buys it, does it make a sound?

23> What will I have for lunch today -- chicken salad or egg salad?

22> How much cheese could Chuck E. Cheese chuck if Chuck E. Cheese could chuck cheese?

21> Yeah, where the hell *is* Waldo?

20> If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of silence, then talks in his sleep, has he broken his vow of silence? If so, who is going to tell on him?

19> If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

18> If a thing of beauty is a joy forever, why does ugly seem to last so much longer?

17> How many angels can writhe in tortured agony skewered on the pointy end of a pin?

16> If Mike Tyson bites off Jesus' ear in a fight, is it a foul or a sacrament?

15> If a tree fell and crushed Pauly Shore in the forest, would anyone care (except Misty Rivera, of course)?

14> Why aren't the Toronto Maple Leafs called the Maple Leaves?

13> If the earth stopped spinning, would the value of my car still depreciate?

12> If there are elves in the gravy, why must the pigeon herniate at midnight?

11> Which came first -- the chicken or the various things that taste like chicken?

10> Would a massive police search for a male serial killer dressed as a woman be called a "Dragnet"?

9> Why *are* there so many songs about rainbows?

8> For what doth it profit a man if he gains his freedom yet loseth his Heisman?

7> If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does waiting in a line take so long?

6> How many licks does it take to get to the center of the universe?

5> If I am, do I drink?

4> What would you rather have, no short-term memory or I forget the question?

3> What is the sound of a one-handed man with the clap?

2> If you take an infinite number of monkeys, put them in a room with an infinite number of typewriters, and supply them with an infinite amount of crack, would they really be able to write a really kick-ass Top 5 list?

1> How much wood would a woodchuck sport, if a woodchuck had a woody?

Firm Grasp of the Obvious Department
From the Notebook pages of The New Republic 1995
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
- Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us
- Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
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