California Jokes / Recent Jokes

Then: Killer Weed Now: Weed Killer Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint Now: Getting a new hip joint Then: Moving to California because it’s cool Now: Moving to California because it’s warm Then: Being called into the principal’s office Now: Storming into the principal’s office Then: Peace Sign Now: Mercedes Logo Then: Getting your head stoned Now: Getting your headstone Then: “Going blind” Now: REALLY going blind Then: Long hair Now: Longing for hair Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux Then: Worrying about no one coming to your party Now: Worrying about no one coming to your funeral Then: Fighting to get rid of the lying President Now: Fighting to keep the lying President Then: The perfect high Now: The perfect high-yield mutual fund Then: Elvis in the army Now: Elvis in a UFO Then: Keg Now: EKG

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they more...

The newspaper headline today said, "Bat Attack in Brooklyn."

I thought, "Ooh, vampire?"

Turns out it was baseball.

The Los Angeles Clippers have confirmed they are keeping Drew Gooden. It's unclear whether this qualifies as a hostage situation.

Maybe it’s me, but hasn’t California been on fire for the last 10 years. Shouldn’t they have been burned down by now? I think we should penalize them for screwing up the ozone layer. Its ironic California is probably the most conservative State when it comes to protecting the environment and nature, but give them matches to play with and look out; they are like kids at a Bon Fire. California even has an on-line photo club called "California Fire Photographers Association." I propose we take away all matches from California and if they need to light one make it mandatory that someone from the East Coast be there to supervise.

SAN JOSE, Costa Rica - A tour group of U.S. senior citizens fought off a group of muggers in Costa Rica, killing one of the assailants, police said Thursday.

"Nobody turns the channel when I'm watching All My Children, Nobody!" said Mrs. Charles Dougherty of Glenside PA.

Thank God Britney is safe from the California fires.

Looking back, according to the infamous paparazzi "no panties" photos of her... she was really in no danger.

Apparently, there was no "burning bush"