Block Jokes / Recent Jokes

(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345

Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016

Dear Sir:

This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization.

I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I more...

a guys been sitting at the bar drinking for a couple of hours and he has to take a piss. when he stands up to go to the bathroom he falls flat on his face. the bouncer runs over to help him up. hey man the bouncer says to him, your way too drunk to be in hear i gotta ask you to leave! ok ok says the drunk just help me to the door. the bouncer helps him over to the door and outside. sure enough the moment the bouncer lets go of him he falls flat on his face. help me down to the end of the block the drunk asks. the bouncer helps him to the end of the block where the drunk promptly falls flat on his face. hey the bouncer says i cant carry you all over the neighborhood i got patrons i have to take care of! no dont worry about me answers the drunk, i only live a couple of blocks away. stay out of trouble the bouncer says as he leaves. the drunk then procedes to crawl home. when he gets home he finds that his wife is at home sleeping. this worries him because he agreed to not drink any more...

(This is a joke told by the Greaseman, a DJ on DC-101, a Washington radio
station:)
Once upon a time, there was a woman working at a lingerie counter, and
a customer came to the counter with a pair of frilly panties and said
she'd like to buy them, adding, "but only of you can embroider 'If
you can read this, you're too close.' on the back."
So, the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in back, and described the
rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "Well, she sounds like a stick in the mud, but I can do
that. Does she want block letters or script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the counter, and
asked, "do you want that in block letters or script?"
The customer replied, with a smile, "Braille."

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts?! !" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, more...

Items Needed:

-------------
4 Oz. Fruit Bits
1 Railroad Tie
Wood Saw
Large Rubber Mallot
Safety Goggles

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES. (Children: Get help from an adult!) Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie. The resulting block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread.

Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block with your rubber mallot. Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake. Don't be afraid to throw some elbow grease into that mallot! Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie, so you can't break anything.

For best result, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by setting them on top of your garage for a year (or by microwaving them on HIGH for 30 minutes).

Finally, cover it tightly in platic wrap, and give your loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake!

A
guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect
breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let
me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps
walking away. He turns around, runs around the block
and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000
dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got
it?" So the guy runs around the next block and
faces her again. "Would you let me bite your
breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm,
$10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here.
Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her
blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts
caressing them, fondling them slowly, more...

A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for a volunteer from
the audience. A man volunteered and went up on stage. The magician told him
to pick up the 16 pound sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement
block and break the block apart with the sledgehammer so the audience would
know the sledgehammer was real.

So, the man swung the sledgehammer with all his might and shattered the
cement block. The magician now told the man to hit him square in the face
with the sledgehammer.

Horrified, the man said, "No way. It'll probably kill you".

The magician insisted that the man hit him in the face, saying, "I'll be
fine. I promise you. Go ahead."

"Well,", the man replied, "Ok, here goes."

Again, the man swung the sledgehammer and aimed it at the magician's face.
The result was very bloody. The magician's nose was crushed, teeth fell
out more...