Blessing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.
    After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.
    A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car.
    It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
    "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
    The rabbi considered this for a moment, then went back inside the synagogue.
    He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

    Vince, a devout Baptist, loved to sneak away to the racetrack. One day, he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race. Vince was very anxious to see what the priest did in the next race.
    Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Vince made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Vince collected his winning and again anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
    The priest showed, blessed a horse, Vince bet on it, and it won! Vince was elated. As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always more...

    Q: What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet? A: "Modem anachnu loch..."

    A wife invited some people to dinner.At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, Would you like to say the blessing?""I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied."Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

    Morris goes to the rabbi and says, "I committed a sin and I want to know what I can do to repent.""What was the sin?" the rabbi asked."It happened just once," Morris assures him. "I didn't wash my hands and recite the blessing before eating bread.""Nu, if it really only happened once," the rabbi said, "that's not so terrible. Nonetheless, why did you neglect to wash your hands and recite the blessing?""I felt awkward Rabbi," said Morris. "You see, I was in an un-kosher restaurant."The rabbi's eyebrows arch. "And why were you eating in an un-kosher restaurant?""I had no choice," Morris said. "All the kosher restaurants were closed.""And why were all the kosher restaurants closed?" the rabbi asked.Morris replied, "It was Yom Kippur."

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