Forehead Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
    Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttle craft
    Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
    Spotlighting unsuspecting crew members with the glare from his forehead
    Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other life-forms
    Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz is there
    Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL Picard Maneuver"
    Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
    Telling crew members in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it so"
    Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up

    Vince, a devout Baptist, loved to sneak away to the racetrack. One day, he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race. Vince was very anxious to see what the priest did in the next race.
    Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Vince made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Vince collected his winning and again anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
    The priest showed, blessed a horse, Vince bet on it, and it won! Vince was elated. As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always more...

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    Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
    A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice
    by aiming for the red dot on their wife's forehead.
    In fact,
    this is one of the reasons why they had many wives.

    Q. You're from India, aren't you? I have read so much
    the country. All the wonderful places, the forests,
    snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use
    for transportation?
    A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own
    elephant. But
    later to save air, we started elephant-pooling with
    neighbors, You see elephants have an "emissions"

    Q. Does India have cars?
    A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is
    trying to
    encourage elephant-pooling schemes.

    Q. Does India have TV?
    A. No. We only have cable.

    Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
    A. Yes. Even the tigers are more...

    Q. What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
    A. (Screaming) "I said. I'm drunk!"
    Q. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
    A. Because red means stop.
    Q. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
    A. They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
    Q. Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
    A. To put their feet through.
    Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
    A. Has that blonde gone yet?
    A2. When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
    A3. "All the blondes have gone home!"
    Q. What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
    A. "Have another beer."
    Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
    A. Because everybody gets a turn.
    Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
    A. You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
    Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
    A. You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
    Q. What is the difference between more...

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