Forehead Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
    Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttle craft
    Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
    Spotlighting unsuspecting crew members with the glare from his forehead
    Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other life-forms
    Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz is there
    Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL Picard Maneuver"
    Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
    Telling crew members in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it so"
    Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 1 month ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...

    Vince, a devout Baptist, loved to sneak away to the racetrack. One day, he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race. Vince was very anxious to see what the priest did in the next race.
    Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Vince made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Vince collected his winning and again anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
    The priest showed, blessed a horse, Vince bet on it, and it won! Vince was elated. As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always more...

    Smash forehead

    Hot 6 years ago

    Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

    Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
    A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice
    archery
    by aiming for the red dot on their wife's forehead.
    In fact,
    this is one of the reasons why they had many wives.

    Q. You're from India, aren't you? I have read so much
    about
    the country. All the wonderful places, the forests,
    the
    snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use
    elephants
    for transportation?
    A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own
    elephant. But
    later to save air, we started elephant-pooling with
    our
    neighbors, You see elephants have an "emissions"
    problem.....

    Q. Does India have cars?
    A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is
    trying to
    encourage elephant-pooling schemes.

    Q. Does India have TV?
    A. No. We only have cable.

    Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
    A. Yes. Even the tigers are more...

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