Bench Jokes / Recent Jokes

I heard these from my father, who heard them from a friend, etc.
They're definitely not original.
A young man is jogging through a park when he sees an old man sitting
on a bench sobbing. Concerned, he stops by the bench. "Is there anything I can
do for you, sir?"
"Oh," sobs the old man, "everything's wonderful. I just married a
gorgeous twenty-year old who'll do anything for me, and even my children love
her. We have a beautiful house, a pool..."
"So what's the matter?" the puzzled young man asks.
"I can't remember where I live!"
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was
standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just
come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was
sitting on more...

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

What`s the difference between a bench and a Mexican? A bench can support a family (sorry, that one is really mean)

On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

You!!! Out of the gene pool!!!
LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. more...

In 1993, sometime in December, a customer walks in with a dead PowerBook 165. Fault description: hangs on startup. An additional symptom provided was: whilst being carried from the customer's site to our service center, a' sloshing' noise was heard within the machine.

"Has anything been split on this computer?" I inquired, but no, nothing of the sort had happened, protested the client vehemently. Taking this with a grain of salt (no-one's going to admit doing something that totally invalidates their warranty and effectively wrecks their computer) I went about filling in the repair order.

Back on the bench, I started the PowerBook up. Sure enough, an address error on startup, just after' Welcome to Macintosh'. I lowered my ear to the keyboard, at which point I heard a crackling noise (couldn't hear any sloshing noise though) and became aware of a rather' sharp' odor which seemed to emanate from the inside of the machine. Flicking the computer off and more...

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'. The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"