Bacon Jokes / Recent Jokes
Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her Yo mama so greasy her freckles slipped off.
Yo mama so greasy the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry.
Yo mama so greasy she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam... and has a full time job at the' Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed.
Yo mama so greasy her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.
Australian thieves stole 16 tons of ham and bacon from a Sydney warehouse sometime over the weekend.
Before the thieves can "live high on the hog," police hope to put them away with the aid of fingerprint analysis, DNA testing, and cholesterol screening.
Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.
Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer`s eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist`s view of astrology as the mother of all science.
Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.
Biological Science: A contradiction in terms.
Bunsen Burner: A device invented by Robert Bunsen more...
All of your pants have an elastic waistband
You are done eating and you can hear your skin actually stretch
You have your cholesterol checked and it comes back: BACON
It takes 2 hands to masturbate 1 to hold your stomach up and the other 1 to do it.
Your sweat smells like hot dog water
You have your own gravitational pull
The all you can eat buffet cuts you off
Richard Simmons comes to your house
Just hearing the word bacon, hotdog, and buffet make you hungry
You’re a stunt double for John Goodman
If this is you or someone you know get help before they have to cut the wall out!
A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, "I would like one of your special full English breakfasts". "No problem." Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. "But I want it MY way." says the man. "What do you mean your way?" comes the reply. The man says, "well, I what the eggs only just about done so they look like I have snotted on them." he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top, and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease trickles in to the snotty egg and beans." "I dont have the time to do all that!" came the reply from the greasy little fat girl. "WELL YOU FUCKING HAD TIME YESTERDAY!!!" came the reply.
There was once a man who was very rich and very miserly at the same time. The villagers disliked him intensely. One day he said to them, "Either you're jealous of me or you don't understand my love of money-God alone knows. But you dislike me; that much I know. When I die, I won't take anything with me. I will leave it all for others. I will make a will, and I will give everything to charity. Then everyone will be happy."
Even then people mocked and laughed at him. The rich man said to them, "What is the matter with you? Can't you wait a few years to see my money go to charity?"
The villagers didn't believe him. He said, "Do you think I'm immortal? I'll die like everyone else, and then my money will go to charities." He couldn't understand why they didn't believe him.
One day he went for a walk. All of a sudden it started raining heavily, so he took shelter under a tree. Under this tree he saw a pig and a cow. The pig and more...
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen, she lay in eager anticipation the lovely breakfast her helpful, caring children were making for her.
However, after a good long wait, she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."