Aware Jokes / Recent Jokes

Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
* If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue. Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
* There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
* Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal more...

Notice Of Revocation Of Independence
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then more...

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85%
of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English more...

After many unhappy replies from our current
vending service we decided that what they
really needed was a different form letter
that was more closely tied to their true
feeling:
BFD Vending Service
Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints
about our vending serve
-We are aware that your machine as not been stocked in 50 days.
-We are waiting for the weekend.
-We are out of items that have expired.
-We're busy, don't bother us about this.
-We don't care.
-We are aware that the price for you
seems high at $10,000.000, but we have to make a living.
-We use an algorithm 50% retail for people your age.
-We charge others more.
-We adjust it to allow for spoilage. We are aware that the sodas are warm, the milk is curdled, sandwiches are stale, gum is hard, candy bars are petrified and assure you that that is the way it is supposed to be, really!
-We understand that the bill changer can't, coin return won't, product more...