Aware Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    * The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
    * If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue. Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
    * Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
    * There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
    * Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
    * To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
    * Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
    * Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal more...

    Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.

    After many unhappy replies from our current
    vending service we decided that what they
    really needed was a different form letter
    that was more closely tied to their true
    feeling:
    BFD Vending Service
    Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints
    about our vending serve
    -We are aware that your machine as not been stocked in 50 days.
    -We are waiting for the weekend.
    -We are out of items that have expired.
    -We're busy, don't bother us about this.
    -We don't care.
    -We are aware that the price for you
    seems high at $10,000.000, but we have to make a living.
    -We use an algorithm 50% retail for people your age.
    -We charge others more.
    -We adjust it to allow for spoilage. We are aware that the sodas are warm, the milk is curdled, sandwiches are stale, gum is hard, candy bars are petrified and assure you that that is the way it is supposed to be, really!
    -We understand that the bill changer can't, coin return won't, product more...

    DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
    DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.
    DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
    DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a more...

    DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
    DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).
    DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
    DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
    attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. more...

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