Auntie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. "Whats the matter?" asked her companion. "Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "Its my favorite nephew. Hes got three feet." "Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely thats not possible?" "Well," said Auntie, "his mothers just written to tell me hes grown another foot! "

For Christmas I bought my auntie
A brand new wooden leg
I didn't have it specially made
I bought it off the peg
You may say it's not a nice gift
You might think that it's a killer
It wasn't her main present though
It was just a stocking filler

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Auntie!
Auntie who?
Auntie glad to see me again!

Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car.' Oh, Gladys,' said her friend,' you've lost your engine!'' Never mind dear,' said auntie.' I've got a spare one in the trunk.'

One day, 15 year old Christy came home from shopping with her Auntie Kim and Auntie Flo.
Christy says to her 6 year old sister, "Auntie Kim has bad taste, but Auntie Flo has good taste."
Her sister then says, "How do you know? Have you bitten them before?"

Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. Oh, Gladys, said her friend, youve lost your engine! Never mind dear, said auntie. Ive got a spare one in the trunk.

Once upon a time a four-year old boy was visiting his aunt and uncle. He was a very outspoken little boy and often had to be censured to say the right thing at the right time. One day at lunch, when the aunt had company, the little boy said, "Auntie, I want to tinkle." Auntie took the little boy aside and said, "Never say that, Sonny. If you want to tinkle, say "I want to whisper." The incident was forgotten.

That night when Uncle and Auntie were soundly sleeping, the little boy climbed into bed with them. He tugged at his uncle's shoulder and said, "Uncle, I want to whisper."

Uncle said, "All right, Sonny, don't wake Auntie up. Whisper in my ear."

The little boy was sent back to his parents the next day.