Auntie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock Who's there! Auntie! Auntie who? Auntie glad to see me again!

An elderly lady from a remote interior village went to one of Philadelphia's most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.
On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."

An elderly lady from a remote little town went to one of Philadelphia's most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece
and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.
On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields.
There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me
for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these
curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."

My most memorable one was, after being lightly smacked on the butt and asking, "What was that for?" "Nothing. DO something and see what you get." I once got smacked and when I asked, "What was that for?" my mom replied, That's for all the things I never found out about." If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me! Variation: Cut your legs off in that lawnmower, don't you come running to me! If you poke your eye out with that thing, don't come looking for me! You always find things in the last place you look. Keep doing that with your face and it'll stay that way. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Variation: (speaking in time with the spanking) This(spank) hurts(spank) me(spank) more(spank)..... I want you to go find something for me to spank you with. Mother to my Father: "He's got my looks and your brains!" "He's your son!"I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate. What were you thinking more...

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. "What's the matter?" asked her companion. "Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet." "Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely that's not possible?" "Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot! "

Knock KnockWhos there! Auntie! Auntie who? Auntie glad to see me again!

An elderly lady from a remote little town went to one of Philadelphia's most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.
On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too.
Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."