witty Jokes

A blonde woman was seated next to a man on a flight & wanted to take a nap. The man asked her if she'd play a game. She said no. "It'll be fun," he said. "No thanks," the blonde replied. The man then said "Let me tell u the rules. I'll ask u a question, & if u get it wrong, pay me $5, & vice-versa." Again, the woman said no. The man grew angry. "Okay, I'll ask u a question, & if u get it wrong, pay me $5. But if u ask ME a question & I get it wrong, I'll pay u $500." The annoyed woman finally gave in. He went first. "What’s the earth’s diameter?" The blonde reached into her wallet & gave him $5. Then the blonde asked him "What goes up a hill with 2 legs & comes down with 3?" Perplexed, the man pulled out his laptop & began searching the web. After an hour of him researching & making calls, the woman had dozed off. The man woke her & gave her $500. She thanked him & then went on napping. Frustrated, he asked more...

Witty insults, relating to a variety of different topics.

A collection of insults! Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.

People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.

Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.

The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.

You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.

No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you more...

Witty quips, relating to a variety of different topics.

A collection of insults! If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.

I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more...

Witty remarks, relating to a variety of different topics.
A collection of insults!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my more...

"A witty saying proves nothing." — Voltaire