"Woman''s versus man''s English" joke

We need
= I want
It's your decision
= The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want
= You'll pay for this later
We need to talk
= I need to complain
You're...so manly
= You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight!
= Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
= I've got my period
This kitchen is so inconvenient
= I want a new house
I want new curtains
= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes
= the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there
= NO, I mean hang it there
I heard a noise
= I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?
= I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me?
= I did something today you're not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute
= kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat?
= Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate
= Just agree with me
Yes
= No
No
= No
Maybe
= No
I'm sorry
= You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe?
= It's easy to fix so you'd better get used to it
I'm not yelling!
= Yes I'm yelling because I think it's important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish
= It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your check book?
THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH
I'm hungry
= I'm hungry
I'm sleepy
= I'm sleepy
I'm tired
= I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner?
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime?
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance?
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress
= Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage
= I want to fondle you
What's wrong?
= I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this
What's wrong?
= what meaningless, self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong?
= I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored
= Do you want to have sex?
I love you
= Let's have sex now
I love you, too
= Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair
= I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair
= $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk
= I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me?
= I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
I like that one better (while shopping)
= Pick any frigging dress and let's go home!