Tired Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    You get what you pay for

    Hot 6 years ago

    (The World-Famous Margaliot Joke Hotline Selection follows:)
    A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after
    a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills
    out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting
    in the lobby.
    He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a
    minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.
    "Fancy meeting my 'wife' here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a
    double room for the night."
    Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over
    $3000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only
    been here one night!"
    "Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."

    Smart Chauffeur

    Hot 7 years ago

    A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him.
    "Sir, why don't you take the day off today", he said, "I've heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax."
    The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again.
    When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would.
    At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, "Are there any questions?"
    One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very more...

    Hitchhiker's Cow

    Hot 7 years ago

    Sam, a business man was driving home after long sales trip and saw a hitchhiker with a cow. Sam finally stopped and the hitchhiker approached the window and said, "Will you give me a ride to Denver Sir?"
    Sam was amazed and said, "I do not mind, but you will have to leave your cow here."
    "No Sir," the hitchhiker said. "I will just tie her to the back of the car, and I promise you sir, she will not slow you down. I Promise."
    The business man was reluctant, but he was dying for company, so he agreed. The hitchhiker was elated and tied the cow to the back bumper.
    They started out and Sam took the car up to 10 miles per hour, he looked in the mirror and the cow seemed to be trotting along. 20 mph, 30 mph, 40 mph, did not phase the cow. The hitchhiker looked over to Sam and assured him that the cow would be fine, not to worry.
    Sam took the car up to 55 mph and still the cow was looking very comfortable. Now Sam was getting a little more...

    Some soul-searching showbiz questions
    By Timothy M. Gray
    HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - There are eternal questions that may never be answered: What is reality? What is the meaning of life? Why was I born? When was the last time Lauren Bacall went to a supermarket? What kind of people would allow their marriage ceremony to be performed on Live With Regis & Kathie Lee? We'll wait a moment while you ponder those questions.
    I know, the fifth one was the hardest. Then are you ready for some more? OK, get out a clean sheet of paper and a No. 2 pencil, and answer the following.
    Since A Streetcar Named Desire, The Moon Is Blue, Lady in a Cage and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? were once considered shocking and scandalous, does that mean American Movie Classics may one day be airing Showgirls and Natural Born Killers?
    If the writers and director of the Oscarcast can win an Emmy for their work, what can the writers and director of the Emmys win?
    Sometimes, when you're really more...

    231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
    Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
    Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.
    Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.
    Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.
    Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.
    Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
    232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.
    233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too more...

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