A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him.
"Sir, why don't you take the day off today", he said, "I've heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax."
The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again.
When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would.
At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, "Are there any questions?"
One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very more...
Sam, a business man was driving home after long sales trip and saw a hitchhiker with a cow. Sam finally stopped and the hitchhiker approached the window and said, "Will you give me a ride to Denver Sir?"
Sam was amazed and said, "I do not mind, but you will have to leave your cow here."
"No Sir," the hitchhiker said. "I will just tie her to the back of the car, and I promise you sir, she will not slow you down. I Promise."
The business man was reluctant, but he was dying for company, so he agreed. The hitchhiker was elated and tied the cow to the back bumper.
They started out and Sam took the car up to 10 miles per hour, he looked in the mirror and the cow seemed to be trotting along. 20 mph, 30 mph, 40 mph, did not phase the cow. The hitchhiker looked over to Sam and assured him that the cow would be fine, not to worry.
Sam took the car up to 55 mph and still the cow was looking very comfortable. Now Sam was getting a little more...
(The World-Famous Margaliot Joke Hotline Selection follows:)
A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after
a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills
out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting
in the lobby.
He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a
minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.
"Fancy meeting my 'wife' here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a
double room for the night."
Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over
$3000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only
been here one night!"
"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."
Yes, I'm tired. For several years, I've been blaming it on middle age, iron
poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin,
obesity, dieting, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life
is really worth living.
But now I found out, it ain't that.
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 200 Million. 84 Million are retired. That
leaves 116 Million to do the work. There are 75 Million in school, which
leaves 41 Million to do the work. Of this total, there are 22 Million
employed by the government. That leaves 19 Million to do the work.
Four Million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 Million to do the
work. Take from that the 14, 800, 000 people who work for State and City
Government and that leaves 200, 000 to do the work. There are 188, 000 in
hospitals, so that leaves 12, 000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11, 998 people in prisons. That leaves more...
There were three very fat and very unfit sumo wrestlers on an island, and they all wanted to get off. So the first really stupid sumo swam half way got tired and came back. Then the second sumo who was reasonably dumb swam half way got tired and came back. Then the third sumo who was smarter than the other two walked across the bridge.