War Jokes / Recent Jokes
- How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.
Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion.
10) Viet Nam was a jungle war; Desert Storm is a desert war. (as noted by V. P. Quayle)
9) The U. S. is not the world's most profligate waster of rice.
8) We are not killing Vietnamese women and children in Desert Storm.
7) The White House wasn't smart enough to come up with a catchy name for the Viet Nam war.
7') Viet Nam was a conflict--Desert Storm is an operation.
6) Some Americans actually believed that we were defending a democratic government in Viet Nam.
5) The time difference from the U. S. to the middle east is better suited to prime time live coverage of the festivities.
4) Nobody ever compared Ho Chi Minh to Adolf Hitler.
3) We hadn't been supplying weapons and intelligence to the North Vietnamese until weeks before the war began.
2) The networks didn't have slick computer graphics with dramatic theme music for the Viet Nam war. and the number one reason why Operation Desert more...
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that`s not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn`t good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story....
The next day Billy tells his story.... "My dad fought in the Vietnam war, his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer.
Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more, but the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands".
Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story....
Billy replies, "Yeah... don't mess with my dad when he's been drinking.
During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first battle. The Sergeant said, "How'd you learn to shoot like that? Have you ever been in combat before?" "Well suh," drawled the boy, "To be honest, this is my first public war."
During an Army war game a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C. O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The C. O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."