Violinist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?" Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years

What's the definition of a string quartet?
One good violinist, one bad violinist, one really bad violinist who became a violist, and one cellist who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.

Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving.Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play.Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer.Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case.Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.Q: Which is smaller, a violin or a viola? A: They are actually the same size, but a violinist's head is so much bigger.Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile? A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? A: Put it in a viola case.Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers.Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek? A: Because no one will look for them.Q: Why shouldn't violists take up more...

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching.

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert."Theres not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, "Write your repertoire."

Once there was a violinist who got a gig to play a recital at a mental institution. He played the recital brilliantly, and backstage after the concert, he got a visit from one of the institutionalized patients. "Oh, the concert you played was just lovely.
The Paganini caprice was stunning, the counterpoint in the Bach came out so clearly, and the phrasing in your Debussy was just exquisite!", said the patient. "Why, thank you," said the musician (thinking this person seemed pretty normal for a institutionalized person). "Are you by chance a musician?" "Oh yes, I was concertmaster of an orchestra for many years, I've played all of the major concertos: Tchaikowsky, Brahms, Mozart, all the major ones." said the patient.
"Wow, that's impressive," said the violinist. "Did you do recitals as well?" "Oh yes, I've done all the major sonatas, Bach, Kreisler, Vieuxtemps, all of the major ones," said the patient. more...