Jacques Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Ethnic Goldmine!

    Hot 6 years ago

    There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school.
    Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
    A: One less drunk!
    Q: Why are there so many Italian men in New York named Tony?
    A: When they came over to this country, they had "To NY" stamped on their foreheads.
    A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and an American are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a 'shortage'?" The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?" Finally, the American replies, "What's 'Excuse me?'"
    Q: What do New Zealanders call a sheep in their back yard?
    A: A ride on lawn-mower.
    Why the British more...

    Ethnic Goldmine!

    Hot 6 years ago

    There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school.
    Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: One less drunk!
    Q: Why are there so many Italian men in New York named Tony? A: When they came over to this country, they had "To NY" stamped on their foreheads.
    A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and an American are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a 'shortage'?" The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?" Finally, the American replies, "What's 'Excuse me?'"
    Q: What do New Zealanders call a sheep in their back yard? A: A ride on lawn-mower.
    Why the British are more...

    Fabritzi, Jacques, and Abe are about to be executed and they are asked what they wish to have for their last meal. Fabritzi asks for a Pepperoni Pizza which he is served. He is then executed. Jacques asks for a Filet Mignon which he is served. He too is then promptly executed.
    Abe requests a plate of strawberries. "Strawberries?" "Yes," replies Abe, "strawberries." "But they are out of season." "So, nu, I'll wait. . . . "

    Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?" Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."

    Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Jacques!
    Jacques who?
    Jacques of all trades!

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