Usually Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What I Want In A Man!

    Hot 7 years ago

    (Age 22)
    1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates the finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover
    (Age 32)
    1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
    4. Listens more then he talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
    6. Can carry all the groceries wit hease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
    9. Remembers anniversaries
    10. Likes to be romantic at least once a week
    (Age 42)
    1. Not too ugly- Bald head OK
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady- splurges on dinner at McDonald's on occasion
    4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers the punch line of more...

    Equal?

    Hot 5 years ago

    "Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal; but boys and girls are not born the same.
    1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
    2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your
    home to the church, even if you're driving there.
    3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
    4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
    5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they more...

    One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
    He
    went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first
    thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver
    was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
    "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers
    license?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away
    the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
    "It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few
    minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see yourregistration?"
    asked the cop.
    "Registration... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
    "It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently.
    After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
    "I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The
    officer more...

    Evaluating progress

    Hot 3 years ago

    A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in more...

    Kids' Quotes

    Hot 4 years ago

    How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?
    "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." Kally, age 9
    "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Allan, age 10
    "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
    Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
    "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!" Cam, age 10
    "No age is good to get married at... You got to be a fool to get married!" Freddie, age 6
    How Can a Stranger Tell if Two People are Married?
    "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6
    "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to more...

  • Recent Activity