Upset Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wifespeak/Translation
You want: You want
We need: I want
It's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want: You'll pay for this later
We need to talk: I need to complain
Sure...go ahead: I don't want you to.
I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.
I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....
I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?: I did something today more...

Wifespeak/Translation You want: You wantWe need: I wantIt's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by nowDo what you want: You'll pay for this laterWe need to talk: I need to complainSure...go ahead: I don't want you to.I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about? I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of whiteHang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.How much do you love me?: I did something today you're really not going to like.I'll be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?" So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, r and I hadn't had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my more...

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.
The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really more...

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw the more...

Relationship Rules.....
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do, or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express more...

A minister of government whose knowledge of English was very poor was provided with a secretary to write speeches for him.' Give me a fifteen-minute speech on the non-aligned movement,' ordered the boss.
The text was prepared to last exactly fifteen minutes. But when the minister proceeded to make his oration, it took him half an hour to do so. The organisers of the conference were upset because their schedule went awry. And the minister was upset because his secretary had let him down. He upbraided him:' I asked for a fifteen minute speech; you gave me a half-hour speech. Why?', he demanded.
'Sir, I gave a fifteen minute speech. But you read out its carbon copy as well.'