"Wifespeak" joke

Wifespeak/Translation You want: You wantWe need: I wantIt's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by nowDo what you want: You'll pay for this laterWe need to talk: I need to complainSure...go ahead: I don't want you to.I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about? I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of whiteHang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.How much do you love me?: I did something today you're really not going to like.I'll be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.Is my butt fat?: Tell me I'm beautiful.You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me.Are you listening to me!?: [Too late, your dead.]Yes: NoNo: NoMaybe: NoI'm sorry: You'll be sorry.Do you like this recipe?: It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.Was that the baby?: Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.I'm not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.All we're going to buy is a soap dish: It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at few new pocketbooks, and, oh my god, there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook? In answer to the question "What's wrong?"The same old thing.: Nothing.Nothing.: Everything.Everything: My PMS is acting up.Nothing, really.: It's just that you're such an asshole..I don't want to talk about it.: Go away, I'm still building up steam.

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