Universal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Artificial Intelligence (AI) people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal problem solver, One to hack the production system, One to indicate about how it is a model of human lightbulb changing behaviour], The logical formalism group (16): [One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in first order logic, One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in second order logic, One to show the adequacy of FOL, One to show the inadequacy of FOL, One to show that lightbulb logic is non-monotonic, One to show that it isn't non-monotonic, One to show how non-monotonic logic is incorporated in FOL, One to determine the bindings for the variables, One to show the completeness of the solution, One to show the consistency of the solution, One to show that the two just above are incoherent, One to hack a theorem prover for lightbulb more...

Universal resume translator
I know how to deal with stressful situationsI'm currently on long term Prozac treatments.
I am able to take the time to interact wellI take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I have strong communication skillsI talk too much.
I'm proud of my organizational skillsI love to tell other people what to do.
I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organizationI've used Microsoft Office some.
I'm honest, hard-working and dependableI only pilfer office supplies.
My pertinent work experience includesTo say nothing of all the McJobs I've had.
I take pride in my workI blame others for my mistakes.
I'm balanced and centeredI keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
I have a good sense of humorI know a lot of corny, old jokes and tell them badly.
I'm personable and interested in othersI give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I'm willing to relocateI've just been evicted again.
I more...

Universal Technical Document Units Law: Characteristics, specifications, dimensions, and any other data included in technical documents must be stated in exotic units, such as "tenth of troy once per barn" for pressures, or "acre times atmosphere per kilogram" for speeds.

Universal truth: You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

Universal truth: People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

Universal truth: Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

Universal truth: You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.