Umpires Jokes

What do umpires and girls have in common?
They both make a lot of calls.

Gilchrist and Sangakkara
The ICC 2007 World Cup final between Sri Lanka and Australia is now history and another traingular series of matches coming ahead.
There has been loads of articles published, wide range of views expressed and many postmortems by various individuals, including past and present cricketers held.
I have been carefully reading all the stuff, including our own' on-the-spot' reports filed by veteran cricket writer Dr. Elmo Rodrigopulle, the only Sri Lankan English journalist to cover the entire tournament.
Whilst thinking of all those action paced episodes from the Caribbean for nearly two months, I had a dream.
Yes! That was a dream final.
Sri Lanka captain Mahela Jayawardena won the toss and elected to bat first in a final curtailed to 38 overs per side due to morning rain. Sri Lanka made a commanding total of 281 for 4 in their allocated 38 overs. The architect of the massive Lankan total was none other than wicket keeper batsman more...

OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their classOLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringingOLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state - of maximum entropyOLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get puncturedOLD TRASH never dies, they just bury itOLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identitiesOLD TROMBONISTS never die - they just slide away...OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new PeterbiltOLD TV SHOWS never die, they just get rerun on NickelodeonOLD TV SOAP STARS never die, they become patheticOLD GOAL UMPIRES never die, they just get flagged down - umpires as in Australian Rules FootballOLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsiveOLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don't come backOLD VIOLINISTS never die - they just become unstrung.OLD VOICEMAIL SYSTEMS never die, they just stop answering

The devils challenged the angels to a game of cricket. "but we've got all the cricketers," said the angels. The devils said:
"yes. But we've got all the umpires! "

There are three umpires at a baseball game. One is an engineer, one is
a physicist and one is a mathematician. There is a close play at home
plate and all three umpires call the man out. The manager runs out of the
dugout and asks each umpire why the man was called out.
The physicist says, "He's out because I calls 'em as I sees 'em."
The engineer says, "He's out because I calls 'em as they are."
The mathematician says, "He's out because I called him out."