Century Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I'm not making this up. This is almost as good as the
    "Nintendo Cereal System." Everything after this sentence is
    quoted from a coupon offer in the San Francisco Chronicle
    of Sunday June 25, 1989 from Kraft foods and referencing a
    copyright of Paramount Pictures Corporation.
    Get your One-of-a-Kind
    Star Trek V (the final frontier)
    Kraft Marshmallow Dispenser
    Experience the 23rd century with a one-of-a-kind, futuristic
    marshmallow dispenser. It holds up to four KRAFT Jet-Puffed
    Marshmallows. Its dual action lever opens and dispenses the
    marshmallows in a single motion. The dispenser also comes
    with a durable plastic fork and spoon, making it ideal for
    camping trips. It can be clipped to a belt or almost anything.
    The official marshmallow of the Starship U.S.S. Enterprise.(TM)

    T-shirt in the 21st century - "Disco still sucks"

    A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates. Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious. Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?" The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit." "I see," says the cabin boy. A few days later, they sight 20 pirate in the distance the captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."

    All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    Most dogs are immortal.
    If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
    All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
    All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
    It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
    Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
    If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
    During all police investigations it will be more...

    From former chairman of the US Federal Reserve Paul Volcker according
    to the Wall Street Journal:
    A parrot fancier who happened into a London pet shop noticed a
    particularly colorful bird and asked its price.
    "Five thousand pounds," the shop owner replied.
    "Five thousand pounds?" the man asked. "Why so much?"
    "Well, this bird speaks fluent Italian, Spanish and French, is
    brushing up on his German and starting to study English," came the
    reply. "With the European Community's unification due in 1992, he'll
    be a great asset."
    "I don't care about the Common Market," the parrot fancier said.
    "What about that gray one in that other cage?"
    The gray one was 15,000 pounds, he was told, because the bird spoke
    Arabic, Chinese, and Korean and was learning Japanese-"the
    languages of the 21st century."
    "I'm too old to worry about the 21st century," more...

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