Advantage Jokes

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    Ferrari

    Hot 3 years ago

    Modena, Italy:

    The Ferrari F1 Team fired their entire Pit- Crew Yesterday. The announcement was followed by Ferrari's Decision to take advantage of the English Government's "Work For the Dole" Scheme and hire unemployed youths from Liverpool.

    The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths in Liverpool were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds.

    This was thought to be an excellent yet bold move by Ferrari Management, as most races are won & lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team.

    However Ferrari expectations were easily exceeded, as during the Crews first practice session; not only were "da boyz from Bootle" able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had resprayed, rebadged, and had sold the vehicle over to the McLaren more...

    I.
    Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)II.
    Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.III.
    Use the element of surprise. more...

    Contest: Beer vs. Pussy
    A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer.
    A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy.
    Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you married. Advantage: Beer.
    Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. Advantage: Draw.
    If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy
    24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in. Advantage: Pussy.
    Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer. Advantage: Pussy.
    If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible. Advantage: Beer.
    If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy - you're dead. Advantage: Beer.
    6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: Pussy
    Too much beer and more...

    Contest: Beer vs. Pussy
    A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer.
    A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy.
    Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you married. Advantage: Beer.
    Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. Advantage: Draw.
    If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy
    24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in. Advantage: Pussy.
    Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer. Advantage: Pussy.
    If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible. Advantage: Beer.
    If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy - you're dead. Advantage: Beer.
    6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: Pussy
    Too much beer and more...

    I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
    II. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
    III. Use the element of surprise. Pick more...

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