Tub Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub. The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.

Police suspect a cereal killer.

My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
I will not fish out my human's partial plate from the glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, more...

Dear Jokers who provide Yo mama jokes,
Please do not post yo mama jokes previously posted in this Joke Page.
It's a waste of your time, our time and bandwith.
Please read the following collection of YO MAMA SO FAT' jokes. Future
jokers, read this and if you can find something new about the fat mama
then submit your joke. (OLD MAMA, TALL MAMA, POOR MAMA etc.
will follow)
YO MAMA IS SO FAT
Yo mama so fat. . . she's fat!
Yo mama so fat God can't lift her spirits!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo mama so fat God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.
Yo mama so fat I got rich by making her sit on coal.
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!
Yo mama so fat I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
Yo mama so fat I saw her on top of the Empire State building snatching at airplanes.
Yo mama so fat I'm more...

The wife comes home from a night at bingo with a new fur coat. She says "Honey, look what I won at bingo". Next week she comes home from bingo with a large diamond ring. She says,"Honey look what I won at bingo". Next week she come home from bingo driving a new porsche, she says "Honey, look what I won at bingo". The next week as she is preparing to get ready for bingo, the husband asks - "Honey shall I draw you a bath?" To which she replies "Why sure". As the wife enters the tub she notices there is less than a inch of water in the tub. She asks "how am I supposed to take a bath in this amount of water?" To which the husband replies..."I wouldn't want you to get your bingo card wet"!

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink? "

Three old sisters--92 (Robin), 94 (Doreen), and 96 (Peggy) years old, respectively all lived together. One day the oldest drew a bath. She put one foot in the water, paused, then called downstairs to her sisters, "Am I getting in the tub or out of the tub?"

The middle sister started up the stairs to help, then paused and called back downstairs, "Was I going up or coming down?"

The youngest sister, who was sitting at the kitchen table having tea, said, "I guess I'll have to help. I hope I never get that forgetful!" and knocked on wood. She got up then, paused, and called, "I'll come up as soon as I see who's at the door!"

A little game to play while you're bored at work and reading jokes... Say each of the items out loud and try to figure out what it's supposed to be.


1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (~a person~)
2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (~a fictional character~)
3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (~a person~)
4. MOW BEAD HICK (~a book~)
5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (~a person~)
6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (~a product~)
7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (~a thing~)
8. AISLE OH VIEW (~a phrase~)
9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (~a old TV show~)
10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (~a person~)
11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (~a person~)
12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (~a place~)
13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (~a fictional character~)
14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (~a movie~)
15. BUCK SPUN HE (~a fictional character~)





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Answers:

1. Jacques Cousteau

2. Santa Claus

3. Michael more...