Treat Jokes / Recent Jokes
A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he’ll have a little fun…
Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? ”
Indian: “Dog no talk. ”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going? ”
Dog: “Doin’ alright. ”
Indian: shows extreme look of shock
Cowboy: “Is this Indian your owner? ” pointing at Indian.
Dog: “Yep”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you? ”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play. ”
Indian: shows look of disbelief
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse? ”
Indian: “Horse no talk. ”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going? ”
Horse: “Cool. ”
Indian: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: “Is this your owner? “pointing at Indian.
Horse: “Yep. ”
Cowboy: “How’s he treat you? ”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me more...
Wedding Toasts 6
The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U. S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave!
The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast:
The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get.
I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
The theory used to be you marry an older more...
Amsterdam (AP/UPI) - While the Lewinsky scandal continues to rage on the front of American newspapers, a much different reaction has developed on this side of the Atlantic. To world-wise, sophisticated Europeans, the spectacle is a curious sideshow and another reason to mock and disdain the puritan morals of their American counterparts.
"You feelthy Americans, you make me seek," says sneering French graduate student Serge Tati, 47, expressing a common sentiment. Fashionably clad in a horizontal stripe t-shirt and skin-tight Speedo, he was recently relaxing on the Lido with his mistress Yvette LaFleur, 43. Like thousands of fellow French graduate students, he was enjoying his annual 28-week vacation.
"Beel Clinton, he is Euro, no. He eez moderne, he eez now. He has joie de vivre. He ravages zee young geerls. In my country, we geeve heem a medal, no?" asks Tati, deeply drawing on a clove cigarette.
"Oui, like Jerry Lewees," adds the topless more...
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The Vancouver [British Columbia] Sun, Thursday, 18 March 1993, page A13 lead headline "United States"
"Hospital costs prove 40% less in Canada by Daniel Haney, AP Science writer
Washington - Hospitals cost almost 40 per cent more in the United States than in Canada, largely because [...]
U.S. hospitals are more expensive, in part, because the cases they treat are 14 percent more complex. [Dr. Donald] Redelmeier, of Wellesley Hospital in Toronto, writing in the New England Journal of Medicine] said this reflects social differences between the two countries.
"Frostbite of the nose is not as expensive to treat as a shotgun wound to the belly." he said.