Tower Jokes / Recent Jokes
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.Most dogs are immortal.If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before more...
Taken from this mornings "Metro" (7th June, London, UK):
A friendly greeting caused a major airport security alert when a man called "Hi, Jack" to a colleague on board an aircraft.
A SWAT team and dozens of police reinforcements were called to the Oakland International Airport near Detroit in the US.
Lt. Rick Crigger said, "There was a guy on the plane named Jack, and someone walked in and said, 'Hi Jack'. The mike just happened to be open and the tower heard it."
Thinking someone was hijacking the corporate jet, the FBI as well as police were called to prepare for a hostage situation. Air traffic controllers ordered the plane to return to the tower but, after a quick check on the identity of the pilot, the jet was cleared for take off.
A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore. The new guy and the wife are very attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the pheromones floating around, is very glad to see the second man there.' This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts.'
The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon, the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper.
The new man yells down,' Hey, no screwing!' They look at each other and yell back,' We're not screwing!' A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again, more...
While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s.As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place:Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are more...
November 15, 1996 - PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first."
The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.