Cleared Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    (source: Rex Loring, former RAF pilot)
    Air-to-ground conversation involving BOAC pilot approaching Karachi
    (Pakistan) International Airport:
    Pilot: Speedbird 7-0-7 here. Request permission to land on runway 42-
    Left.
    Tower: Sorry, Speedbird 7-0-7. Runway 42-Left is closed. There was an
    unfortunate incident yesterday. But you are cleared for landing on runway
    19-Right.
    Pilot: Roger Karachi tower. Proceeding on approach pattern.
    [As the pilot enters final approach, he is appalled to see a 747 taking
    off from that runway and heading straight at him. After taking violent
    evasive action, the conversation resumes]
    Pilot: Karachi Tower. What is going on ?? You cleared me for landing
    on runway 19-Right, but there was another plane taking off from there !!!
    Tower: Oh dear. I do hope we will not have a repeat of yesterday.

    (Supposedly a true story - then again, aren't they all?)
    This Certified Flight Instructor and his Student are holding on the runway for
    departing cross traffic when suddenly a deer runs out of the nearby woods, stops
    in the middle of the runway, and just stands there looking at them.
    Tower: "Cessna XXX cleared for take-off."
    Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
    Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
    (Think-think-think.)
    Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
    Inst: "That's a good idea."
    (Taxis toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)
    Tower: "Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN."
    Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
    Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
    (Think-think-think.)
    Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
    Inst: "That's a good idea."
    Std: more...

    Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
    November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
    November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
    November 8, 1996 - Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little too more...

    Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7... did you copy the report from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

    Yao Ming has been cleared to play. But he's so weak as a Rocket, fans now think he's from North Korea.

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