"The things you learn at the movies" joke

Hot 3 years ago

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.Most dogs are immortal.If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die...
1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death
The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he more...

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