Tough Jokes / Recent Jokes
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed. "No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied. "The judge'll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We're dead!" "I don't think so," his attorney told him. "I sent it in the other lawyer's name!"
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!" The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!" Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me. .. the whole world hates me!"Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "Thats not true, Mary. Some people dont even know you."
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."
a real tough guy i know went up for his first parachute jump.. when his time came the jump instructor said "jump"... tough guy started but then chickened out... once again the instructor commanded "jump"... tough guy started but chickened out again.. "look" said the instructor, "if you dont jump, i'm gonna fuck you right in the ass." so i asked tough guy, "did you jump"? "just a little at first" he replied.............