Stuff Jokes

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    Great Writer

    Hot 1 year ago

    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
    When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
    He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

    Letter From Camp

    Hot 1 year ago

    Dear Mom and Dad,
    Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened.
    Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Long got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Don't worry it didn't hurt anything very much, just burned part of the chow hall. Scoutmaster Long said we will have to wash the black stuff off of the meat that used to be in the cooler but he said it would be alright. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow more...

    A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog. The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, "Sliderule, come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog more...

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 7 years ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

    It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Brooklyn version of
    Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside New York. If you
    have one of the Brooklyn editions you may need some help understanding
    the commands.

    - The Brooklyn edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
    - It reads WINDAS 98 with a background picture of the East River with a
    floating body. It is shipped with a' NYPD BLUE' screensaver.
    - Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled' Garbitch'
    - My Computer is called' My Freakin Computer,'
    - Dialup Networking is called' Good Fellas',
    - Control Panel is known as the' da Tote Board,'
    - Hard Drive is referred to as' da trunk', and....
    - Floppies are them' little Freakin plastic disc tings'.

    OTHER FEATURES:

    * Instead of an error message you get a winda covered with steel bars and Grafitti.
    * OK= do it I tell ya
    * Cancel = hell no
    * Reset = dis is more...

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