Tough Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mad Martin

    Hot 2 years ago

    Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and
    tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West. (This was in the
    days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
    tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West
    means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
    earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)
    So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at
    the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
    tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up
    fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he
    (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you
    ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save
    what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of
    town as fast as you can."
    Fred was pretty perplexed more...

    A Claculus carol

    Hot 2 years ago

    A Calculus Carol
    written by: Denis Gannon (1940-1991)
    sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree"
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    How tough are both your branches.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    To pass what are my chances?
    Derivatives I cannot take,
    At integrals my fingers shake.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    How tough are both your branches.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your theorems I can't master.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    My Proofs are a disaster.
    You pull a trick out of the air,
    Or find a reason, God knows where.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your theorems I can't master.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your problems do distress me.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Related rates depress me.
    I walk toward lampposts in my sleep,
    And running water makes me weep.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your problems do distress me.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    My limit I am reaching.
    Oh, more...

    Life is tough; even the subways are in a hole.

    My hometown is so tough, gun shops have "Back to School" sales.

    Aries

    The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

    Taurus

    The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

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