Tough Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mad Martin

    Hot 9 months ago

    Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and
    tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West. (This was in the
    days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
    tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West
    means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
    earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)
    So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at
    the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
    tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up
    fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he
    (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you
    ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save
    what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of
    town as fast as you can."
    Fred was pretty perplexed more...

    A Claculus carol

    Hot 9 months ago

    A Calculus Carol
    written by: Denis Gannon (1940-1991)
    sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree"
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    How tough are both your branches.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    To pass what are my chances?
    Derivatives I cannot take,
    At integrals my fingers shake.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    How tough are both your branches.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your theorems I can't master.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    My Proofs are a disaster.
    You pull a trick out of the air,
    Or find a reason, God knows where.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your theorems I can't master.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your problems do distress me.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Related rates depress me.
    I walk toward lampposts in my sleep,
    And running water makes me weep.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    Your problems do distress me.
    Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
    My limit I am reaching.
    Oh, more...

    Life is tough; even the subways are in a hole.

    My hometown is so tough, gun shops have "Back to School" sales.

    A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed."No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"

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