Tomato Jokes / Recent Jokes

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

Q: - Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A: - Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
Q: - Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A: - The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for' Kesh'
Q: - What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon"?
A: - Ramesh's son failed in statistics...
Q) Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told Clinton "You are an IMPOTENT man"
Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A) Tomato KETCHUP.
Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.
Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.
Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A) He wanted to get "cent-per-cent".
Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.
Q) more...

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.
"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."
The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?"
"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents."
"OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

Waiter, waiter! There's a maggot in my salad.
Don't worry, he won't live long in that stuff.
Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my salad.
Yes sir, the chef's using Webb lettuces today.
Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Don't worry sir, the spider in your salad will eat it"
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
How do you repair a broken tomato?
Tomato Paste! (submitted by Laynie)
Why did the boy close the refrigerator door?
He didn't want to see the salad dressing!
A faucet, lettuce and a tomato were in a race... what happened?
The faucet was running, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic?
Iceberg!
Q: What do you call a spider who makes salad?
A: A salad spinner.
Q. What is the most romantic fruit salad?
A. A date with a peach.
Waiter, what is bug doing in my more...

Question: What is red, full of seeds and looks like half of a tomato?

Answer: Other half of the tomato.

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.
One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"
The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous...."

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup! ”