Tongue Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Alternative Cybersex

    Hot 2 years ago

    This is one of the funniest pieces I have ever come across. It is apparently from a real log...
    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...
    Wellhung:Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
    Sweetheart:I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
    Wellhung:I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny.
    Sweetheart:I want you. Would you like to screw more...

    Ticklish Tongue

    Hot 5 years ago

    Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in aluminum foil, what's wrong with me? Doctor: You have far too much free time!

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.

    Then again, maybe he does...

    Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

    Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

    Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

    Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to fuck me?

    Wellhung: OK

    Sweetheart: We're in my more...

    HEADLINES

    Hot 2 years ago

    HEADLINES
    1. Heroic dog drags problem child back into burning building.
    2. Solar eclipse – Public says affirmative action taken overboard.
    3. Half bodied lady rolls to Zimbabwe for free water.
    4. Dead fish threat in sushi shop.
    5. Heroic police officer risks life and limb rearming bomb in Mugabe's suit.
    6. Food poisoning caused by raw sushi.
    7. Solar eclipse canceled due to full schedule.
    8. Gay cow rapes sheep… twice.
    9. Cow turns out to be Australian in cow costume.
    10. Retard knocked over by parked car.
    11. New Zealand man re-united with sheep father.
    12. Retard turned fugitive after failed suicide.
    13. Happy- unhappy.
    14. Baby carrot run over, Doctors fear he could be a vegetable.
    15. AIDS aids elderly man, adds seven years to life.
    16. Sleeping man died on the job.
    17. Iraq! The bomb to be.
    18. Miracle leper goes missing after hot water turns to soup.
    19. Man loses only left foot.
    20. Baby goes more...

    Kids and mustard

    Hot 3 months ago

    This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father. The names have been changed to protect the dignity of the father...
    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
    The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
    I love mustard.
    I had no napkin.
    I licked it off.
    It was not mustard.
    No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on more...

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