GARAGE SALE: Place an add in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisons, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6 a. m. Come early!
X-RAYS AT AIRPORTS: Purchase a large adult bedroom toy. Wrap it in a large amount of tin foil. Secretly hide it in a piece of the victims carry on luggage. As it goes through the airport x-ray machine the contents of the device will be shielded by the tin foil and will be unwrapped-inspected by airport security officials. This one will make your sides hurt from laughter, if present during the inspection. Good for both male and female victims.
LOST KEYS: Get a hold of some old useless keys (car, house, etc) Place victim's name, phone number and $50 reward...... if found and returned. Drop the keys in one of the least desirable areas of town.
PAPER MONEY: Write a sexually orientated solicitation message, more...
Say out loud for full effect!
Milburn - capital of Victoria
Peck - to fill a suitcase
Pissed aside - chemical which kills insects
Pigs - for hanging out washing with
Pump - to act as agent for prostitute
Pug - large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - computer game
Munner stroney - soup
Min - male of the species
Mess Kara - eye makeup
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
Kittle crusps - potato chips
Ken's - Cairns
Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - marine creatures
Fitter cheney - type of pasta
Ever cardeau - avocado
Fear hear - blonde
Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym
Duffy cult - not easy
Amejen - visualise
Day old more...
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
First, I was going to tell you about the wooden car that I built, with a wooden engine, but it wooden go.
Then, I built it out of steel, but it steel wooden go.
Finally, I built it out of tin; now it tin go!
I even put Italian tires on it. Dago through rain, dago through mud, dago through snow.
But, when dago flat, dago Wop, Wop, Wop!
These two carpenter friends in due course made some money. Hearing that there was demand and money for carpenters in England, they started to learn a bit of English.
After some time they decided to migrate to London.
While boarding the Air India plane at the International Airport at Delhi, Natha Singh had both his hands full. In one hand he carried a tin of pure ghee and in the other a small bag containing pulses, papars, waries etc. As he climbed the gangway, the beautiful air hostess welcomed him with folded hands.
Natha Singh put down the ghee tin and the bag and folded his hands to return the greetings and said; "Sat Sri Akal, kurey, par mein tenno pachayana nai" (Sat Sri Akal girl, but I have not been able to place you.)