Thieves Jokes / Recent Jokes

Farmer John was taking his cow and it's newborn calf to sell in the auction. On the way farmer John got robbed by thieves, who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes and tied him to a tree. Then taking the mother cow and John's clothes, the thieves escaped. They, however, left the newborn calf behind.
Poor farmer John suffered as for two days, he stood tied to a tree, stark naked and hungry. Fortunately, on the third day, some neighbors happened to pass by. They recognized John and untied him.
When they did, farmer John picked up a long stick and started whipping the calf with it.
'Why are you thrashing the poor calf?' his neighbors asked?
To which farmer John replied, 'I had to tell this beast for the past two days repeatedly...I am NOT your mother! I am NOT your mother!!!

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there`s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight
1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant

Australian thieves stole 16 tons of ham and bacon from a Sydney warehouse sometime over the weekend.

Before the thieves can "live high on the hog," police hope to put them away with the aid of fingerprint analysis, DNA testing, and cholesterol screening.

IN Japan a thief not only goes to jail but also has to pay thieves' tax charged under the item Miscellaneous Income. It is suggested to the Finance Minister to follow the Japanese practice, as India has more than its quota of thieves in all professions - politics, law, medicine, industry - you name it, we have them.

Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One stayed in the van as look out and the other went into the storeroom. Fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no sign of him. The look out finally grew impatient and went to look for his partner. Inside the store the two came face to face. "Where have you been?" demanded the worried look out. "The boss told me to take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap and a towel."