Terrible Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's van and
headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to
myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will
talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for
the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, they got on their way and enjoyed a great
weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took
him a few minutes to figure it out, more...

A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. ''Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,'' she spoke wisely. ''I agree completely, ma'am,'' the man replied. The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. ''This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.'' ''That's a great idea, miss,'' the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. ''I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?'' ''No, thanks,'' came the reply. ''I'll just wait on the cops to get here.''

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquires.
"They only know how to say,' Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responds.
The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, more...

Joe and Ted finished an exam and talked to each other afterwards.
"I did terrible," said Joe. "I think I was filling in the wrong bubbles!"
"Me too," replied Ted.
"Well, why did you do terrible?" asked Joe.
"I forgot to bring a pencil!"

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say,' Hi, we're prostitutes.' Want to have some fun?"

That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, " but I have a solution to your problem.

Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day, the woman brings her two female talking parrots to the priest's house. His two male talking parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her two female parrots in with the two male parrots and the more...

A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. "Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400." "How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?" The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

Gore: My God, it was terrible!
Aide: What? Gore: This nightmare I had--I dreamed I was running against Dan Quayle. Aide: What's so terrible about that? Seems to me it'd be a slam dunk for you. Gore: You don't understand. I was in this debate--and the first thing they ask ed was, "Which of you is Al and which of you is Dan?"