Tables Jokes / Recent Jokes

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.
The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.
She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.
Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.
"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"
The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."
She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same more...

Back in the bad old days when I was working in a fast food joint...
There was one female type person on the night crew. A very attractive
young lady with a penchant for wearing mini-skirts. Needless to say,
we did not object to this in the least. In fact, we used to let her
wipe down the tables up front, instead of slopping the french fryers
and such. Admittedly one of our reasons was that in order to wipe
down the tables she had to lean far over them and stretch. Generally
facing away from the counter.
This was when we learned that she tended to wear panties that matched
her nail polish. No kidding! She came in one day with black nail polish
with silver speckles, and it turned out that she was wearing black
panties with silver spangles. Another day, she came in wearing pink
nail polish on one hand, and blue on the other. The panties were blue
on one cheek, and pink on the other.
But... one evening... great anticipation... When more...

A guy dies and is sent to Hell where Satan meets him. Satan shows him the doors to three rooms and tells him that he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.
Satan opens the door to the first room. In the room, the guy sees people standing in manure up to their necks. "No, not this one. Show me the next room," the guy says.
Satan takes him to the second room and opens the door. Inside the room are people standing in manure up to their noses. "Definitely not this one," says the guy.
Satan then takes him to the third room and opens the door. This time the guy sees people sitting at tables, with manure up to their knees, enjoying tea and cookies.
Thinking this was obviously the best choice of the three rooms, the guy tells Satan that this is the room he chooses. He enters the room and finds a seat at one of the tables as Satan closes the door.
Two seconds later, Satan opens the door and says, "OK, people, teatime's over. Back on your more...

One day after class Deeper stay to talk to the teacher.Ms.Penis take off your top if you don't I'll cry.So the teacher took off her top.
Ms.Penis take off your pants.No Deeper I won't.If you don't I'll cry.So she took off her pants.
Ms.Penis take off you wonder bra, thong, and sandles.Deeper I can't.If you don't I'll cry.So the teacher off her under wears and sandles.
Ms.Penis push two tables together and clean them off.If you don't I'll cry.So she did.
Ms.Penis lay on the tables and spred your legs out real far.No I can't.Please I am going to cry if you don't.So the teacher did.
Ms.Penis you have a great body.You have huge tits, thin waist, and great butt.So here I come I am going to scrw you.
So Deeper climbed onto the table and started screwing Ms.Penis.Deepers parents walked in and yelled, Deeper!!! So Deeper went a little bit deeper.
When his parents seen what he was doing they yelled once more, Deeper!!! So Deeper went alot deeper.
His parents more...

3 guys are driving down the road and realize that they all have to use the bathroom very badly. They come around a corner and see a sign "Green Gables next right". So thye take the right turn and come up to Green Gables, they all jump out of the car and run insode to see if they can use the washroom.
They are greeted by a nice old lady who says sure they can use the washroom.
The first guy runs up stairs and sits on the toilet and immediatley notices a hole in the floor at his feet with a table under it. All of a sudden he hears "Hey Hey I'm the ghost of Green Gables lay your money on the tables." He grabs all his money and throws it down the hole and runs back down stairs. When he gets there he tries to tell his friend but he does not listen and runs up to the washroom. Sure enough the guy hears a voice "Hey Hey I'm the ghost of Green Gables lay you money on the tables". He throws his money down the hole and runs down stairs and tries to tell the more...