Sydney Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa took a trip to Sydney, Australia. While in a bar, an Autralian on the next stool, spoke to our Santa in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Yeah, that sounds pretty fair and exciting too," said Santa.
The Australian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
Santa scratched his head and finally, when he was tired of thinking, said, "I give up. Who was it?"
"It was me," chortled the Australian.
So Santa paid for the drinks.
Back in Ludhiana Santa went into the bar and spotted Banta, "Hey Banta," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me one. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Banta.
Ok...my parents had more...

A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia, with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
Shortly before landing, she couldn't remember who gave her the package, so she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Sydney please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them herself!

Fireworks exploded over Sydney's Harbor Bridge as a million onlookers celebrated the New Year. In London, thousands of revelers gathered to cheer as Big Ben rings in 2007.
In the Australian capital -- one of the world's first major cities to usher in the new year -- people crammed the harbor shore for the lavish fireworks display celebrating the 25th anniversary of the iconic bridge.
Pope Benedict XVI prayed at a New Year's Eve service at the Vatican City in Rome that 2007 would bring the world "peace, comfort, justice."
In London, Big Ben's chimes were to be relayed by sound systems along the River Thames.
More than 200,000 people were expected to crowd the river's banks near the Houses of Parliament to watch a light show countdown projected onto the 443-foot (135-meter) London Eye Ferris wheel.
The event was followed by a 10-minute fireworks display, "big enough and loud enough to be seen... all over the capital," Mayor Ken Livingstone more...

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? more...

WE, the people of the broad brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional boong.

We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

WE are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world, and is proud of it. It's mascots more...