Harbor Jokes

A Texan lands in Sydney for the Olympics, and is picked up by a taxi. After requesting a tour of the city, he starts into a tirade about the small town airport and how in Texas they have larger runways on their ranches...

They are soon crossing the Sydney Harbor bridge, and the man is further unimpressed - "I have a duck pond bigger than that harbor, and an ornamental bridge to span it that makes this look like a toy".

The Sydney-Newcastle expressway also gets his scorn "Is this a road, or a track?"

So when a kangaroo jumped out in front of the cab, causing the sudden and severe application of the brakes, the driver couldn't help himself. ..."Stupid grass hoppers!"

The news last night of impending tax hikes gave me an inspiration. They
plan on raising the gas tax (per gallon) from 5 cents to 11 cents (on Jan 1
or Mar 1), and then to 21 cents on Jan 1 1991. We could have a tax revolt;
have everyone dress up as Exxon employees and dump gas into Boston Harbor.
Unfortunately, with the way the Harbor is, no one would notice.

Mr. Greenberg, a World War II veteran, walks into a Chinese restaurant and sits down. As soon as the waiter comes up, Mr. Greenberg slaps him across the face. "What was that for?!" cries the outraged waiter. "That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies Mr. Greenberg. "But I'm Chinese. Pearl Harbor was attacked by the Japanese!"
"Chinese, Japanese-it's all the same!"
Mr. Greenberg orders his meal and is grudgingly served by the waiter. When he is through, he hands the waiter his credit card. Upon seeing that his name is "Greenberg", the waiter slaps him across the face. "What was that for?!" he shouts.
"That was for the Titanic!" "But I had nothing to do with the Titanic. It was sunk by an iceberg!"
"Greenberg, Iceberg-it's all the same!"

A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked, "How much is the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat; a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.
The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat - and I won't be bringing it back."
As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.
He started to trot towards the harbor. He took a nervous look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the more...

The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was
writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind.
Please forward it to anyone you know who might need a lift today!
"Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior
Citizens Luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged.
All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to
know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received
one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of
pieces. It was awful and she was in more...