Bringing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Our bed!

    Hot 1 year ago

    At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
    She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon."
    The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as 'our' not 'your.'
    Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
    She again went to the priest and told him, "Father, I've noticed that your...I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed."
    The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it.
    A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying more...

    A father stork and baby stork are sitting in their nest one night, and the baby stork is crying and crying. Trying to calm him down, the father says, "Don't cry, son. Mommy will be back soon. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."
    The following night, it's the father's turn to do the job. Mother and the baby stork are in their nest, the baby stork is crying, and the mother is trying to calm him. "Don't cry, son," she says, "your daddy will be back as soon as he can. Right now he's bringing happiness to new mommies and daddies."
    A few days later, the baby stork's parents are desperate: their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he finally returns.
    "Where have you been?" the parent storks ask in unison.
    "Nowhere. Just scaring the shit out of college students!" replies the baby stork with a grin.

    A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked, "How much is the bronze rat?"
    "Twelve dollars for the rat; a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.
    The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat - and I won't be bringing it back."
    As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.
    He started to trot towards the harbor. He took a nervous look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the more...

    Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby
    stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him, "Don't worry,
    son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making
    them happy."
    The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in
    the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying, "Son, your father will
    be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and
    daddies."
    A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from
    the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him
    where he's been all night.
    The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"

    "Here's some good news. Barack Obama announced he's bringing home troops from Iraq. That's right. Unfortunately, he couldn't get them direct flights home. They have a two-year layover in Afghanistan."
    --Jimmy Fallon

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