Straw Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with. 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. 9. Use Interactive more...

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
    4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
    5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub more...

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
    3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
    paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
    Call spouse from garden.
    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler more...

    1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws firmly. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat more...

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
    2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
    3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
    4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
    5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
    6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
    7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
    8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret more...

  • Recent Activity