Stiff Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy went to his grandpa's & grandma's house. He asked his grandpa, while his hand holds a worm, "If I can make this worm stiff, would you give me $10?" His grandpa said, "Yes."
Then he sprayed the worm with hair spray, and the worm became stiff. The grandpa looked surprised. He then tells his wife about what happened, and together, they give the boy $20. Grandma then said, "Here's $10 from grandpa for making the worm stiff, as he promised, and $10 from me for the great idea."

A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion, and so draped a banner on the front of their building that read:"Our Staff will stuff your Stiff."Not to be outdone, the madame across the street had her girls respond with a banner too:"Our Stuff will stiff your Staff."

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife... cold as ever"
Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: "Here lies my husband... stiff at last"

One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. "Watch this," he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. "May I help you, sir?"

The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn."

So the supervisor said, "Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag."

"Why is that?"

"The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.

"Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder." "Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with more...

One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor... not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin's arrow.

He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga's in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago... the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga's out to dry.

He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess more...