Electric Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    These Three Guys

    Hot 3 years ago

    There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfie. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.
    Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged, so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened, so they set him free.
    The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.
    Next it was the Newfie's turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said, "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me."

    Electric Train

    Hot 6 years ago

    A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
    The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
    Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a more...

    Bad Conductor

    Hot 2 years ago

    The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said "Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
    After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage, only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
    Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said "Dear, would you be able to get me a small more...

    Q. What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
    A. They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end
    up playing with them.

    1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship; she goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
    2. We also sleep in separate beds; Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
    3. I take my wife everywhere; but she keeps finding her way back.
    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
    5. We always hold hands; if I let go, she shops.
    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She complained "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
    there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me, "In the lake."
    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am more...

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