Spiders Jokes / Recent Jokes

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing going on in our garden".

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "Theyre mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "Thats a daddy long legs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, were not having any of THAT in our garden."

How do you swat flies in Texas?
With a tennis racket.
First Mother Fly: How's the new baby?
Second Mother Fly: Very restless. I had to walk the ceiling with him all night.
How does a spider greet a fly?
"I'm so pleased to eat you!"
Why are spiders good baseball players?
Because they know how to catch flies.
What's the difference between a duck and a spider?
The duck has a web in its feet, the spider has its feet in a web.
Where do spiders go to learn new words?
Web-ster's Dictionary.
Who can leap tall poodles in a single bound?
Super Flea.
Which mosquito attacked Dorothy and Toto?
The Wicked Itch of the West.
Who is the termites' favorite comedian?
Woody Allen
Who are the best-dressed insects on the police force?
The Miami Lice.
Who was the greatest insect baseball player?
Mickey Mantis

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy long legs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Penis envy.

On September 4 1999 at 9. 30 a. m. Ron Guptey of N. S. W Australia went into hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call examined him, he found severe swelling around the anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen such a thing before.

Two more doctors examined Ron but they too were left confused about what was happening. Through the day Ron's was deteriorating he had developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his abdomen. The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2. 57 p. m. when he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead.

An investigation was led to discover the reason of death. The body was placed in for a post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3 or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine.

The police had found a tree with a cut of branch along the side in Ron's back more...