Kerry meets with the Queen of England. He asks her,
how do you run such an efficient government? Are there
any tips you can give
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important
thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Kerry frowns. "But how do I know the people around
me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy.
You just ask them to
answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes
a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair
in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles, "Answer me this, please, Tony.
Your mother and father have a child. It is not your
brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That
would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says more...
a guy walks into a bar/hotel and slaps fifty cents on the counter. The man says" I want the dirtiest whore you have in here, one who wont complain about the way i do my things." The man smiles at the desk and says" I think i have just the thing for you.
The man at the counter smiles and tell him to go into room one, the last door on the right.
The man quickly made his way to the room and opened the door. Like the man said the woman was ready and willing to go with no questions asked.
The man quickly took off his cloths and started doing his thing. A few minutes later somthing catches the mans eye.
Semin was begining to pour out of this womans body from everywhere. The man quickly jumps off the woman and runs to the counter butt naked.
The man at the counter says " is there a problem sir. The other man replies " yes sir there's a problem the woman im doing has semin coming out of every body part imaginable.
The man at the counter told more...
A man is walking down the docks when he sees a quadriplegic woman crying in a corner. Trying to be a nice guy he walks up and asks her whats wrong.
"I've never been hugged." replies the woman
The man figures it would be a nice thing to do, so he picks her up and hugs her. She smiles. Then her face drops and she starts crying again.
"Whats the matter now?" asks the man.
"I've never been kissed..." says the woman.
The man leans down and kisses the woman on the lips for a brief moment. The woman smiles for a bit, then starts sobbing again.
The man a bit annoyed asks her again whats wrong.
The woman replies, "Because I dont have arms and legs I've never been screwed..."
The man picks up the woman and carriers her down the dock... then tosses her off the side of the dock into the water.
The man yells at the woman, "NOW YOU'RE SCREWED!"
An Italian man, relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome, managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
He invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk they made love.
After a pleasant interlude, and, at what seemed to him to be the appropriate time, he stretched, asked with a smile, "So... you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied "No."
Pleasantly surprised, the young man reached for her and had his way with her again. This time she's wild, thrashing about on the bed and climaxing with screams of passion.
Again, the young man smiles, and asks, "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and says "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for his date. It takes all of his strength and he barely manages to do it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping bed more...
Enver Hoxha, dictator of Albania, dies and due to a bureaucratic mixup
is sent to socialist heaven. Of course, once there he has to stand in line
as St.Peter is interviewing the candidates for socialist heaven ahead of him.
Ludwig von Beethoven is first.
St.Peter says: "Who are you?"
Beethoven says: "Eh ?"
St.Peter waves his arms and cures Beethoven and says: "Who are you ?"
Beethoven says: "Ludwig von Beethoven"
St.Peter says: "Do you have any papers?"
Beethoven says: "No."
St.Peter says: "Then you will have to prove it."
Beethoven says: "Give me a choir of angels."
St.Peter calls the angels forward and watches Beethoven conduct the Ninth.
St.Peter smiles and says: "Wonderful. Welcome, Ludwig."
Beethoven goes in.
Shakespeare is next.
St.Peter says: "Who are you ?"
Shakespeare says: "William more...